First day wearing my soon-to-be “every day” shoe. (Taken with instagram)
My daily dose of @audreykawasaki. #nofilter (Taken with instagram)
Belated birthday present from my Supreme boys @xpo293 and @xpo294. Thank you! (Taken with instagram)
Graduation dinner with @xpo293’s family. Congrats to @kristinejoycee and @iandork! (Taken with instagram)
My Supreme boy. (Taken with instagram)
My daily dose of @audreykawasaki. #nofilter (Taken with instagram)
[video]
The Thoughts of May 26th, 2012
I’m driving down a highway that never has traffic. My headlights and the moon are the only things guiding me on this winding road. I’m trying to imagine what will happen when I arrive at my destination. I’m trying to think of what you’ll do and what you’ll say and how you’ll feel. But my expectations are at their worst. I figure you don’t want to see me. I figure you’ll say I have no right to be there. I figure you are still mad. But I’m still driving to you despite what will happen. I’m speeding because I can’t wait. Yet, I don’t really know what I’m waiting for. Probably nothing. But still, I can’t wait. My exit comes up and my heart starts to race. I’m telling myself that this is a mistake. Turn back now, my head tells me. But you’ve come so far, my heart replies. Turn after turn, I’m getting closer to you. The street lights stay green for me because they know I’ve been waiting long enough. When I arrive at your house, I turn the ignition off. The moment I step out of my car, the smell of the air brings back memories. I think about all the summers I spent here. I think about how hot it gets during that time of year and how we’d end up going to the movies just because that was the only place that kept the air-conditioning on. I think about you. Then suddenly, the flashbacks stop. I had forgotten how much has changed since those days. I feel my heart aching but I brush it off. Keep it together. This is not the time to break down, I say to myself. I take out my phone and call you. The rings sound so distance and faint. The sound of my heartbeat is draining them out. You don’t answer. So, I call again. Ring-ring-ring… ring-ring-ring… he’s not going to answer… ring-ring-ring… I’m so stupid… ring-ring-ring… I should just — “Hello…?” I hold my breath… And then I hear it again, “Hello?” I can’t speak. “Kimberly? Hello? Are you there?” Answer back, you idiot. “Uh, hi. I’m sorry, did I wake you?” I look up at your window. The light turns on and you say, “Do you know what time it is?” I shake my head as if you can see me. There is silence again. You take a deep breath and exhale loudly. You’re annoyed. I can tell. “What do you want?” Ouch. “I actually wanted to talk.” Another big sigh. “I really have nothing to say. I’m going back to bed.” Ouch again. “Wait! Please. Before you hang up. Just… listen. I’m outside right now. And I want to talk. If you really don’t want to deal with me right now then don’t come out. I will understand. But… if you’ve been missing me as much as I have been missing you, please, come down and just… listen.” Silence. Then click. I look up at your window and the light turns off. Well, what were you expecting, my head asks. My heart has no answer. I get back in my car and sit there. I don’t know what to think. I guess this is it, my heart whispers. This is really it. Things will never be the same. I close my eyes and take a deep breath to stop myself from crying. Then you tap on my window. I look at you for the first time in months. You look different in many ways, but are still the same person I grew to love. I open my door and try to smile. You look at me with questions in your eyes. I climb out of my car and look down at my feet. “I… I’m sorry for waking you.” No response. “I just… I just wanted to…” And then I felt it. I felt the warmth of your body as it held mine. The smell of you reminded me of how much I miss your hugs. Your breathing started to change and I realized that you were crying. “I… I can’t do this anymore, Kimberly…” I can’t either. “Why are you here…?” I’m trying to think of the exact reason why. I’m trying to think of a way for you to understand. And finally, I stutter, “It’s because… I… I love you…” You let go and look straight into my eyes. “Kimberly, I have always loved you.” My eyes close as I feel you kiss me on the forehead. And a tear finally falls when I hear you walking away.
My daily dose of @audreykawasaki. #nofilter (Taken with instagram)
Strawberry soju to start the night with @xpo294 @xpo293 @k_therine @bhlance (Taken with instagram)